Lent Thing: The Hard Days of Holiness
Less Grievance/More Holiness
It has been a tough time at my work. With my pastor leaving everything is uncertain and in flux. Since it is Lent, there is little rest as I try to maintain the online presence and the programs activities. I do this while being part time (ha!!). It is my youngest daughters’ “show week” for the high school musical, my middle daughters’ Spring Break and my eldest daughters’ Spring Break research project in Costa Rica where her phone just died. In addition I have committed to this season to blog, which was a good call.
Yesterday I got some information about a couple of friends that sent me reeling. I had to take a long hard look at just how devalued I was. It hurt. I was deeply offended and quite frankly, insulted. My first inclination was to completely walk away from the situation.
“Let someone else deal with it. I can do better. How dare they?”
These were all thoughts that ran through my mind as I angrily prayed for guidence. I kept hearing,
“Is it your ego that is bruised?”
Finally I admitted it was.
Yes, so what?? I can have a bruised ego, can’t I?
“Not if you expect to make your way toward holiness. This is holiness. This is the “less grievance/more gratitude” moment. This is when you trust me.”
Well, that just made me angrier. Damnit. Damnit, Damnit. Why did I sign on for this?
Then I stopped being a child and realized I didn’t “sign on” I was given a gift that is sometimes hard to open. My ungrateful ego took the information I had been given and in an attempt to undermine my work, (which at the moment actually might mean something) and tried to make it seem foolish and worthless.
But by the grace of God, I know better.
In today’s readings, the psalmist says,
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.
From all their distress God rescues the just.
In my anger, I wasn’t alone. I asked for help and it came to me, probably from down deep where my desire to grow in holiness was planted long ago. Probably from the place where I had been depositing all of which I know is truth. Probably from the simple understanding that God sees my value and that is enough for me.
The kids and teachers in the program are praying the Suscipe for Lent. It came in as a handy reminder last night.
Suscipe
By St. Ignatius of Loyola
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will.
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your grace,
that’s enough for me.
As we approach our first full week, what are some of the struggles you have encountered?
