Around the Table
I was immediately transported back to my grandparents kitchen table on their farm. It was breakfast which always included a slice of beautiful New York State cheddar cheese and some orange juice. As I took a piece of cheddar cheese, I said, “this really is one of your best creations, you know…”
“Meh,” He smiled. “I found it in the bag of love, with the cookies. But I know, those memories mean a lot to you. I know food means a lot to you.”
I laughed, “It’s kind of crazy, really. It is just cheese, but I can feel myself looking for the orange juice that used to go with it even now.”
“Honestly, I think your grandparents were some of my best creations,” He smiled.
“Me too, I miss them so much. It was so much simpler then. Now everywhere I look I see people struggling to survive. I drive by as if I don’t see them and I hate it, it feels so unnatural. I miss the safety of that table. I miss the Cheerios, the fresh milk from Grandpa and Grandma’s cows. I miss my brothers and sisters. I miss the simplicity of things. I miss the time when wonder and awe came in the form of a molasses cookie made by grandma.”
“It was simpler for you, but not for them. They just did their job well enough to make you feel safe and loved. They still had to survive in their own day and time. It wasn’t easy, but they had faith. That’s helps, I help.” he bit a cookie, “These really are good! I love your grandmother.”
We sat together quietly and just watched the river run. The bees were buzzing around the food and the birds were busily working above us. I wished I could stay, but I saw him reach for another bag and thought, “just a little longer?” he looked at me, “I know you want to wait but you are going to have to get rid of some stuff.”
“I know it seems like I am running from Love again, but it’s so hard. I am so afraid of what you will pull out of that bag. It is so full.” I said defensively.
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. You throw a lot of unnecessary things into this one. It’s really important we sort through it, we need to see what is worth examining and what isn’t. You aren’t the mess you think you are, you know. So let’s just do this now, together. We will come back to the bag of love as needed. Don’t worry. It only sounds scary.”
I think I turned red, my shame was already overwhelming me, “Okay, it’s just so embarrassing.” was all I could say.
It was a big bulky garbage bag and on masking tape in black Sharpie I had written: Regrets.
Reflection: Take a moment, close your eyes and imagine yourself in a space where you feel safe, loved and unburdened. Rest awhile there knowing the Jesus is resting with you. Enjoy the sounds and scents of that space. Let it fill you with gratitude and give thanks to God for the experience and memory.
