20 years is a blink of an eye

On June 7, 1993 my husband and I lost a dear friend (his best friend) quite suddenly. It took my closely knit group of friends by total surprise and devastated as you can imagine, his fiancée.  His death was completely avoidable (it was unattended appendicitis) but the family who is a large gregarious bunch that my we grew up with opted to not sue the doctor or hospital as everyone knew it would not bring Greg back.  Greg was one of the happiest and goofiest people I knew. I can’t think of him without smiling.  A couple of days before that we had all been together at a friends house and we spent a sublime night in laughter and foolishness.  I remember vividly him turning to me and saying, “Annette, I’ll tell ya,  I have had this odd pain right here….” and pointed to his side.  I remember a small red flag, a “get it checked” red flag feeling…so as he described it, I do remember saying, “Greg, just get it checked…then you’ll know what it is.”  He was a little pensive….and said “I will”.  He knew something was not right.  I can’t help but think he knew something was really not right.He did get it checked but I think too late.  He died from complications of appendicitis….at least I think that was the final diagnosis.  Two days after the night of stupidity, where were all able to be together, a night that many of us remember as one of the best we ever spent….the feelings were so good and pure….our Greg was gone.  And his fiancée remained.  I still remember the call…and not believing it…and my husband…and having to make calls myself.  All the shades were drawn.I had to be in NYC for a conference the morning after I found out.  One of our good friends lived out there with his wife….and I had to make that call from my hotel room.  It wasn’t the first loss that I had experienced….I had actually experienced many at that point…so I had a different frame of reference.  But for our group, it was the first.