I woke up in the middle of the night missing my oldest child. She has gone away on a trip with school until tomorrow night. She left in the wee hours of Sunday morning. There is no communication between then and late tomorrow night when she returns. She has been gone before to summer camp but she was only twelve then and her adulthood wasn’t as close on the horizon. This trip is a dry run for next year and as I write this I want to cry that this part of our time is coming to an end.I knew it would. I have been preparing since she was born, When we were living in Delmar, NY, my husband would go to work early in the morning and until he returned late in the day it was just she and me. I was not a mother who sought out social opportunities, I let them happen organically, so though we may have gone to the library or whatever it was we did, it was usually just the two of us. I didn’t want to forge any new relationships since it was our goal to return to our hometown. A week before my husband secured a new job back home, I remember her giving me one of those nine-month baby love smiles…you know the ones…it is pure love and admiration. We were looking at each other after coming back from a long walk, I was unlocking the door and I said to her, “Things are going to change soon and it won’t be just you and me anymore. I’m going to miss it. But it will be okay.” Though she obviously had no idea what I was saying, she just lovingly rested her head on my chest. And that is who she is. She is always looking to reassure me that she knows I love her with an extraordinary love and she appreciates it. Her kindness was clear even then.
|This morning’s temperature where she is. We can’t chat but I can stalk via the weather app!|
So when she left the other day for the arctic tundra I made a point of knitting a new scarf. It was knit in record time and my kids were laughing at me. It was to remind her that she is always wrapped in love, it is covered in prayer, and it is given with a heart that wants her to move on when she is ready. As I said all those years ago, “Things are going to change… and it will be okay.”